A few years back a friend of mine gave me a burned disk with the movie Garden State on it. Would you believe that I haven't actually watched it until this year? I actually really enjoy the movie. I enjoy the awkwardness of it and the idea they portray about growing up. It definitely provokes some thoughts..
Now don't get me wrong here, I LOVE my home now, here, in Uniontown. It's more like HOME than anything I could ever imagine. When I look into this house and into the rooms, everything just screams LINDSEY. It's good to have control over my own home. The 'freedom'. Though I do need some help sometimes and I haven't got too much pride to ask for it. I will always have a solid foundation and I realize this and I am thankful every day for it. It's just that the childhood idea of home is so much different. It's the most safe and most fun place in the world. It's hard to kick that longing. I suppose for a short period of time most people experience this feeling of like.. limbo. I really don't know how to describe it. I guess at this point you just have to live in the moment and accept the responsibilities and motions of life and really take control and create your own ideas of happiness and home. If you can't get over your past and are constantly comparing the present to it and you're too scared of the unknown future.. well... I don't know.. this is kind of where I'm at.
"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
There are some days where quotes and lyrics just speak for me better than I could ever myself but I'm trying really hard to find my own words instead. However, there are a couple quotes that do stand out to me and I'll try very hard to remember to share them on here when they ring true in my own life. There are some tough subjects that make me truly scatterbrained and at a loss for words but I am trying to make sense of what's going on in my mind. It just takes some serious sorting through.