Sunday, July 31, 2011

There's no place like home

A few years back a friend of mine gave me a burned disk with the movie Garden State on it. Would you believe that I haven't actually watched it until this year? I actually really enjoy the movie. I enjoy the awkwardness of it and the idea they portray about growing up. It definitely provokes some thoughts..

Now don't get me wrong here, I LOVE my home now, here, in Uniontown. It's more like HOME than anything I could ever imagine. When I look into this house and into the rooms, everything just screams LINDSEY. It's good to have control over my own home. The 'freedom'. Though I do need some help sometimes and I haven't got too much pride to ask for it. I will always have a solid foundation and I realize this and I am thankful every day for it. It's just that the childhood idea of home is so much different. It's the most safe and most fun place in the world. It's hard to kick that longing. I suppose for a short period of time most people experience this feeling of like.. limbo. I really don't know how to describe it. I guess at this point you just have to live in the moment and accept the responsibilities and motions of life and really take control and create your own ideas of happiness and home. If you can't get over your past and are constantly comparing the present to it and you're too scared of the unknown future.. well... I don't know.. this is kind of where I'm at.

"You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn't really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some place where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone. You'll see when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it's just gone. And you can never get it back. It's like you get homesick for a place that doesn't exist. I mean it's like this rite of passage, you know. You won't have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for you kids, for the family you start, it's like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that's all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place."

There are some days where quotes and lyrics just speak for me better than I could ever myself but I'm trying really hard to find my own words instead. However, there are a couple quotes that do stand out to me and I'll try very hard to remember to share them on here when they ring true in my own life. There are some tough subjects that make me truly scatterbrained and at a loss for words but I am trying to make sense of what's going on in my mind. It just takes some serious sorting through.

xo, Linds

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Happy Birthday, Dad

Happy Birthday, Dad! I love  you!

It's another appropriate holiday to share an old photograph. Today is my dad's birthday. :) I miss him. I feel like I don't get to see him very much because I speak to my mother on the phone every day on my way to work and Corpsey texts me any time throughout life. I really only go home about once a week. If I'm lucky, twice. I do get homesick. It's a strange, profound feeling since I AM home now. I'll share some more thoughts on that at a later point if I can find the right words.

As for today, Michael is, unfortunately, working the majority of the day. He hasn't worked a Saturday in a while so it's kind of strange being home alone for the biggest chunk of the day. I shouldn't be alone for too, too long, though, because I believe my mother is stopping over to visit and help me out with a couple things around the house. I really need to clean. We've acquired so much lately. It seems like nothing really has a place around here. So not only does it need to be literally cleaned, but it needs reorganized and arranged to just work better for us.

I'd much rather sit on the couch in the air conditioner and watched Mad Men on Netflix. I need some serious motivation right about now......

xo, Linds

Friday, July 29, 2011

Polaroid Week, July 2011

A week or so ago was 'Roid Week 2011, which is an entire week to celebrate instant film. I do not have a Polaroid camera but I do have an Instax mini so I was inspired to break out a new pack of film and snap a few.

I'm not very adventurous when it comes to instant film. Film is such a hassle to get since you have to order in online and plus, okay, I guess I am just spoiled by technology, BUT I know there is nothing in the world like instant film. It is very fascinating and very instantly satisfying! It was a nice reminder of this and felt good to pay respects to the classic.

I don't really know much about this 'Roid Week, as they call it. I'm still not very up to par on these little celebrations that happen throughout blogworld/internetland, but I'm working on it! I know there is a Flickr pool but I have no desire in joining Flickr. I would imagine that the fact that I was motivated to take the photos still counts as participating, right? I think I also over-read somewhere that there are several other weeks throughout the year celebrating instant film, so perhaps you will see more of this in the future and maybe in more of a timely manner!

I figured I better post this before July is over. How does that saying go... Better late than never? I don't intend to but I somehow seem to be living by this.

Without further ado, here are the 4 photos I took:

Yeah, I've come to the conclusion that both Lux and I are too white and reflective to take good photos! :)

I will share the film from my other two packs if I can find them somewhere on this machine!

In other news, since I'm talking camera talk, I did decide to go forth in buying a new, or well, more like a used, but new-to-me 55-200mm lens for Nixon. I had no such luck in finding a legit, safe, easy means to getting the one I owned fixed. So, since funds are not the best right now, my mother thankfully offered to give me a little I.O.U. to splurge on this since I will be needing it for upcoming event. While I was at it, I treated myself to a VR (vibration reduction) version of this lens. I DO, however, still intend to get my baby fixed and have a very sweet back up.

My mother said that a package was dropped off for me today. I'm guessing that's it! :) I can't wait to meet my new lens!

Happy Friday. Have a safe, happy weekend. Try to stay dry. I know it is storming and pouring here at the moment!

xo, Linds

Thursday, July 28, 2011

My Day Off

 Yesterday was my 75th post. I just realized that. :)

Today had it's ups and downs, but I did have a nice afternoon with Laura, watching her get her Sheba tattoo finally!! I had never been with anyone to see them get ink so it was something I wanted to be able to cross off the list. It was a pretty neat experience to watch. First of all, I really loved the shop. It was very easy on the eyes. It was a perfect mixture of things that I love (art, especially religious themed, skateboarding, and graffiti). They had a neat little gallery set up and tons of artwork everywhere else too. Jarrod Russell is a very talented artist. I love his paintings and his characters. It definitely inspired me to want to get back into painting. I actually really fully enjoy painting and I'm surprised at how much I like doing it. I don't know why I don't do it more often. He is so good that he whipped up Laura's tattoo in just a short time and it looked amazing and only needed a few tweaks. She seemed to be pretty nervous about the lack of preparation but I think she quickly realized that she could trust his work and judgement of what she wanted. It was so cool to see Sheba come to life again, in a sense. I adore that pup and I'm glad she will me immortalized on Laura's skin. She still has to go in for another session but this was a great start.

Afterwards, I brought Michael and I home lunch/dinner and we did some quick thrifting. We found some treasures. I really need to take some more photos of our finds. The junk just accumulates here so quickly that I don't even get pictures most the time!

Oh, I wanted to mention that I did send the link to the post about Jake to his mother and she wrote me back a very kind message:

"Oh Lindsey, that is so beautiful. You brought tears to my eyes, and to my husband's, but they were joyful tears about what you wrote and that you chose to share it with us. Now I have to ask permission to please, "May I please" print it and share with my Grandmother, Jake's Nonna? It might really help her, and know it did me. Just let me know if it would be okay. Love you, remember that, and Jacob loved you wholeheartedly."

What a sweet lady! This message makes my heart flutter. You can definitely tell where Jake got it from. :)

I did tell her I would be okay with her sharing it. I'm glad others can find peace of mind in the situation, as well. It really touches me that my words can touch and affects others like that. I'm still a little shy when it comes to sharing what I write but I knew Jake had a tight knit family similar to my own and that they would understand where I'm coming from and appreciate looking back on the memories.

Well, I'm not sure what the rest of my evening is looking like but I do know that I am so glad to have had the day off. Sometimes I just need a break from the daily grind. It was kind of a tease, though. I keep thinking it's Friday and tomorrow is Saturday, but that is not the case. I have one more day to have to be awoke by that godawful alarm. I think I can make it!

xo, Linds

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Save A

Sorry for the quiet day yesterday. You'll have those sometimes. Here's some photos I snapped yesterday when Michael and I walked to Salvation Army.

So very happy to have the day off work tomorrow. Laura is finally going to get her Sheba tattoo and I'm going with her. It should be a nice day.

xo, Linds

Monday, July 25, 2011

Jacob Robaugh

A very special person named Jacob Robaugh left us about a year ago. This is a tough, confusing topic to write about.. so please bear with me. I'm typing this straight from the heart with little to no editing.
Jake was my first friend. When I say friend, I mean it in it's purist form. Sure, I had friends that I had become friends with because our parents knew each other or because they were in my Girl Scout troop, but Jake... we became friends because we actually had things in common and because we liked each other as people, in general.
I have several vague memories of Jake in grade school. We were both a little different.. yeah, even at that young of an age. So naturally, he stood out to me. I remember in perhaps fourth grade or so, he had longer hair in the front (much like in the photo above) and had it spiked up into two big, spiky point horn looking things.
Around this time I also remember him carrying stacks full of Pokemon card in his pockets and getting in trouble for it. He was theeee coolest to me.
I don't think we actually became friends until about sixth grade. I would have been eleven or twelve. I believe we were in the same classroom.
Like I said, we were both a little different. This was an ongoing joke throughout the years after.. he always brought up this crazy outfit I wore in sixth grade... It was a yellow skirt, with red-ish, maroon tights, and black leather boots. He always brought that up and it always made me laugh. I don't think anyone else will remember that or find as amusing as we both did. No one.....

This was also all about the time I first got the internet so I remember finally getting instant messaging and talking to him through that. We talked a lot, all night, on MSN the summer after sixth grade.
He asked me to be his girlfriend over the internet. Kind of silly, but technically, he was my first boyfriend, even though we never did hang out that summer or anything.
Whenever we went to seventh grade... junior high, we lost touch a little bit.
We became very good friends again when I was.. in eighth grade, I'd say. I think that's right because Laura would have been a senior in high school at the time.
Laura started dating Jordan, who was from Ohio. Laura and Jordan took turns on the weekends visiting each other. This is how Jake and Jordan met.
I think Jake really looked up to Jordan. He was into really cool metal/goth/industrial music and dressed really different with long, black hair.. you get the picture, I hope. So whenever Jordan would come to Pennsylvania, it seemed like Jake would spend the weekends, as well.
So I got to see him a good bit at this time.
None of us drove so I remember my mother driving to go pick up Jake or take him on home the weekends in the winter time when the roads were really, really snow covered and bad.
Jordan played guitar and Jake wanted to learn. I remember how frustrated and determined Jake was to learn to play. He would try over and over and over again to play the beginning of this Marilyn Manson song. Well, I guess he finally figured that all out because he turned out to be a fine musician and played in several bands and jammed with everybody.

Throughout the years, we remained friends and we became friends with all the same people so he was someone I saw regularly at friends houses, shows, parties, or anything like that.
I truly don't think I have a negative memory involving Jake. He was the sweetest, kindest person I knew. I'm not just saying that, I mean it.
We kind of drifted apart throughout the years, becoming friends with different groups of people from different areas. Nothing uncommon but he still did keep in touch.
I often got an instant message from him any time I was online. This was like 10 years later after the fact of first talking on MSN. 10 years.. can you believe that?
I did attend several parties at his house. The Halloween parties stand out in my mind because I knew he loved Halloween as well. Actually, field parties in general remind me of him.
He also lent me and my family a helping hand a whole lot with cars around this time. That's another thing he was very good at. He always knew what he was doing when it came to working on cars.
And how nice of him to go out of his way to help not just me, but my dad.. work on my car? Such a good kid.

So basically, the memories.. I could go on and on about. I hold them very near and dear to my heart now. I can't help but feel a little choked up when I think about 'em, too. It's crazy how much he comes to mind, too. Hardly a morning or a lonely car ride ever happens without my mind wandering in his direction.
He's just such a perfect example of a positive, kind hearted soul. You really don't know how rare these kind of people are.
It's not just me either. He has clearly touched many peoples lives. I read every ones memories and thoughts on his memorial page.
There's something so heartbreaking about the whole thing that seems to be giving everyone a hard time. The unfairness of it all, I guess, but just knowing that it's part of God's plan and it's something totally out of our control.
It's just something we all have to.. well, I don't want to say come to terms with it because I don't think it's something I've come to terms with yet.. but we have to accept it and make the most of it.
We can learn from some one like him and we can see the importance and benefits of sharing our memories and feelings and together let Jake still live on through us all..
Like I said, it's still something I can hardly wrap my head around. When it happened, it seemed so surreal. It opened my mind to so many thoughts and questions.....
Not that I ever felt like I was invincible as they say young people do, but you really don't ever consider these kinds of things happening until they do.. then it's a total shock.
I can still recall the funeral like it was yesterday. The images are burned in my head. It effected me pretty deeply. I had a hard time holding myself together. Jake's funeral was just not somewhere I had ever in a million years pictured myself being at...
There were just so many people and so much sadness. It made me wonder.. what if? What if it were me? Had I had such an impact on every one like he did? How would it affect the people close to me? What would people remember about me?
Jake's wonderful legacy makes me want to work harder to be a better person.. to accept everyone around me.. Never to shrug people off and to offer and willingly help people who need it.. To treat others the way I'd want to be treated.. To generally cherish those around me.. Our time together.. Let them know how important they are to me.. Because you never know..
This is something that has weighed hugely on my mind lately and it's also been one of the biggest stepping stones forward to my journey to acquiring a positive outlook on life.
It really made me step back and look at my life in a much bigger perspective than I had ever done before.
I have been to funeral before and I have lost family before but I suppose I was too young to understand. I remember being at my grandfather's funeral and seeing my own father cry and knowing that it was something very sad and something very serious but something I could feel but could not at all comprehend at the time.
I feel for his family very deeply. It also made me think about how important family is. How unlike anything else family is... That support, closeness, and love in your family. I can't imagine when it comes down to it how Jake's parents and his siblings can ever move forward and even function as a family... Each member of my family seems so very important and I can't imagine how the structure of things would change with such a large, important piece missing... but they are strong people and I'm sure they also realize how important family is and how much they need each other.. especially at this point in time. They have all the little memories, details and silly little snippets and quirks of Jake's life that most of us probably don't even know about that only family would understand.. and I'm sure as much as they remember and a look back on these things and have the hardest, heartbreaking of days.. these same things probably will always bring smiles to their faces and encourage them to keep going..
I will forever miss his goofy laugh and his boney hugs just as much as everyone else... I will do everything in my power to hold on to these memories and to share them.. and as much as this is a tragedy, let it effect me positively and better myself from it.
I guess that I am just very blessed to have had the chance to know Jake and to call him a friend. That is something I will always have to be proud about even on the lousiest of days I am having.

Jake.. I love you, my friend. We all miss you. You will never be forgotten. Thank you for everything....

xo, Linds

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Summer is for: Old friends!

Haven't done one of these in a while.. but this one is particularly on my mind. :)

Summer is for:
Old friends!

I'm guilty of losing touch with some of my friends. Summer is a good excuse to catch up and get together again.

All these photos above give me chills and such deep nostalgic feelings. I saw the words spray painted on a wall someplace while exploring.. they said "Married to my Youth". So true.... I could have posted photos of many, many faces, but it was so hard to choose so I stopped... this will have to suffice. I think you get the point. :)

Parties seem to be in more of an abundance in the summer time. What reminded me of this particular aspect of summer was because last night, Michael and I went to a party at our friend Russ's house. Russ and I were introduced in 2007 (This was around the time I made a LOT of acquaintances) because of our love for a local band, Fayettenam Bombs. Though we had been introduced, we had never actually got a chance to hang out for.. a very long time. I thought my graduation party would be a good chance for us to get together but it just so happened he was moving to Florida that week! We talked on the phone and via internet for quite some time and met once or twice when he came home to visit. So yeah, our friendship started off in a very unusual note. We've been getting to hang out more since he moved home again. Michael seems to enjoy his company too. They were killin' it at Mortal Kombat last night! So I just wanted to mention this particularly (I think I had mentioned something similar in my Ode to Molly post) because I think friendships that can withstand distance and time are pretty special. I think friendships are great that can go through some down time but pick up where they left off!!

Tomorrow I will share an extra special post in memory of an extra special friend. I want to look over it a little more before I post it.. but I poured a lot of thought and heart into it.

Have a relaxing Sunday. Hope you had a lovely weekend like I did. I think everyone should text, call, message or find some means of getting in contact with an old friend and let them know you're thinking of them. :) I know that kinda' stuff makes my day..

Oh, right now.. I'm going to gather to some things and head off to Brownsville to visit my family and then later on in the evening, I'm going to shoot some engagement photos at the church I went to when I was wee little. Pretty neat, huh?

xo, Linds

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Collecton: Tote Bags & Purses

So.. I'm not real sure to say about this "collection". I don't know if you could call it that, seeing as purses are a typical thing for girls to have and continually buy... BUT I will say that I do think I have some rather awesome tote bags and purses, some that I bought myself and some that were really sweet gifts, and I want to share them with the world. :)

Thought this one was funny and so very true. ;)

My sister sewed me up this one so it is extra special!
I love it.. such pretty colors and patterns together and most importantly.. made with love. :)

I got this one from a neat hippie/head shop down in Morgantown, West Virginia.
It's one of my favorites because of all the colors and textures.

Self explanatory.... :)
Michael bought me this one as an anniversary present.
Vulgar and to the point... what else could be said about David Bowie?

I had been wanting a backpack purse for a while when I came across this one at Target.
This sounds terrible but I still haven't used it yet... It's waiting for a special adventure.
I patched and pinned it all up as if I were in high school again...
I feel all nostalgic and get hearts in my eyes when I look at it.
Check out some details:

My favorite bands.. so, of course, a tote bag is necessary.

I bought this one at the Pittsburgh Zoo.
I think I spent a little more than I would have liked on it.
I turn into a KID when I'm in any kind of souvenir shop and I just HAVE TO get SOMETHING.
I do love this purse, though. I love repeated patterns and the polka-dot material inside makes me smile.

This one was a gift from my sister.. Christmas, I do believe.
It reminds me of New Jersey because that's where we head after every Christmas. It's tradition now.
Plus, the whole mythical sea creature thing reminds me of some architecture in Asbury Park.

This one is also a gift from my sister.
For Easter!! So the rabbit is totally appropriate.
I always wonder what people who have not saw Donnie Darko think about this one..

xo, Linds